Every year, I tell myself I’m going to blog more and (almost) every year, I fail to manifest that goal. Some of that is because I’m pursuing more paid writing opportunities, which, hey! That’s a good thing, right? If I have to pay bills to survive, I may as well do that with money earned from something I really enjoy doing. On the other hand, there are days where I miss just writing for myself, whether it’s in a physical notebook, on a blog, or even on a fanfiction archive. I actually miss the latter the most — so writing fanfiction again (after a long and unintentional break) is definitely a goal for 2019.
I have been writing in a physical notebook more and I make notes in my planner, which this year has a section at the end of each month for reflections and goal-setting. It’s good. But still, there are days when I look at this blog and think, “I should be writing more.”
If you follow my professional writing, you probably think that’s ridiculous. I produce hundreds of words each week, from trending entertainment news to comics reviews to interview questions. I tweet prolifically and write long captions on Instagram. Still, the urge to blog is like an itch I can’t quite scratch.
Perhaps that stems from a desire to do more personal writing. Not necessarily confessional writing, though I do plenty of that too — but diary comic-style writing, sans the comics. (I’m not an artist. Trust me.) Each time I write a blog post that doesn’t serve an exact purpose (like a book review), it feels rambling and weird. Like, why would anyone read that?
Why are you reading this right now?
The thing is, every year, around this time of year, I write a post very similar to this one. I think, perhaps, what I miss isn’t the act of blogging, but the culture of it. I haven’t been an active Tumblr user in a long time and I left my Livejournal behind nearly a decade ago. But back in the day, I wrote on Xanga, Blogspot, WordPress, Livejournal, and even my own website, which was called something ridiculous like [s]hattered reflection. (I say “something like” but that is, in fact, exactly how I stylized my site name for at least a year. The only header image I remember featured Scarlett Johansson in The Perfect Score and the coding used iFrames.)
I have a newsletter, though it doesn’t go out nearly as much as I’d like it to. Obviously, this space exists, though I have more unfinished drafts than actual posts. And perhaps telling myself I want to blog more is a response to the desire to keep producing content, even in my off time. Perhaps it’s a desire to just get down all the thoughts that are constantly in my head, including the ones that definitely aren’t marketable.
Whatever the reason behind my urge to blog more, Puc, BLOG. MORE!, it’s an urge I can’t shake even though by the time I get through the week and decide, YES! TONIGHT I WILL BLOG! I don’t actually follow through. I’m tired. I’m bored. I don’t have anything interesting to say. No one will read this.
But I used to blog without worrying about whether or not anyone would read it. In fact, I often counted on those posts going sight unseen, lost to the wilds of the world wide web. Maybe now that I get paid to write and then promote my writing, my relationship to that kind of fun, carefree writing has changed. I don’t know.
To be honest, I don’t even know how to end this post. When I sat down to write, I feel like I had a goal in mind… But that’s gone now. And here’s… this. Whatever this is.
TL;DR: Writing is hard. I want to write more. I miss when I spent most of my time online writing and reading fanfiction, rather than reading news stories and trying not to cry.